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Archive for July 16th, 2008

I Think I Need A Pet Snake Now

Wednesday, July 16th, 2008

This is to clarify my thoughts on a variety of subjects.

First the guest writers thing.

Guest writers, even regular ones, like Michiel and Lt. Roland, do not always represent my opinions. I pretty much let anyone who writes funny material post stuff up. So just because I let someone make a post that covers the subject of, say, global warming, doesn’t mean that I believe global warming is a fact. Heck I don’t even think most readers thought that. But in the interests of equal time, if someone has a funny bit against global warming, I’ll run it.

Heck maybe we can convince this other writer to hold a comedic debate of the subject. Almost like a trial by funny.

Some people might think this sounds an awful lot like that TV show “The Root of All Evil”. To those people I eloquently respond, “Nuh uh! Shut up! I hate you!”

Now I know with the amount of people I get reading this site, and people being what they are, folks are going to assume that everything expressed on here is my opinion. And being that I am both shallow and tremendously insecure, I care very deeply about what strangers on the Internet think about me.

And so I am going to clarify several of my beliefs real fast to avoid any such problems in the future.

My opinions on-

1) Global warming: The jury is out, as far as I’m concerned. There is peer reviewed data supporting both sides of the argument. The Earth is warmer. Some scientists think the evidence supports green-house issues. Others think its part of the suns natural fluctuations. In order for me to believe that someone knows for sure exactly how much different the earth’s current temperature is from around a two hundred years ago, I’d have to believe that someone had accurate global data from that time.

I suspect its worse than the heads of industry would have you believe, but better than the companies that stand to benefit from it claim. That’s because I think that people will lie to you if they can get something out of it.

2) The War: I’m sure everyone knows which one. I think that our country shouldn’t have started it, and that people in charge deliberately mishandled information as a justification for it. That said, it doesn’t matter why we went into Iraq. We’re there now, and we’ve leveled a big chunk of their country. Its our responsibility to stabilize it. Our government did it, and we elected our government. So its our fault. Even if you voted for the other guy. Because you clearly didn’t try hard enough to defeat the guy in office now.

3) War protesters: Its okay to dislike the war. Heck you can hate it. You can even actively campaign to end it. All of those things are just fine with me. Furthermore, doing these things has no intrinsic effect on the status of your loyalty to this country, or the level of support you have for our troops. You can simultaneously respect our soldiers and protest how the government uses them.
That said, many anti-war protesters don’t bother trying to be respectful. That’s their right I guess. But I think less of them for it.

4) Politics In General: Politicians are bad people. Just in case anyone reading this is slow:


The way our system works is that a company, or a special interest group, bribe the politician to change, or enforce a law, and then everyone pretends that isn’t what just happened. All pretense of morality, justice, fair play, or decency is just the most superficial of veneers. A cunning disguise to better help them prey upon you. They don’t care about you, they don’t like you, and they would probably be willing to murder you in your sleep for less money than you make in a month.

The only difference between Republicans and Democrats is which half of the Bill of Rights they want to ignore. Republicans seems to hate the odd numbered ones, while Democrats don’t appear to be too fond of the even ones. That said, I dislike the current crop of folks in power because they can’t even be bothered to lie convincingly.

And to all people that act as if their particular candidate is above all this: you’re being stupid. They’re just pretending because they think it will fool you into supporting them. And evidently they were right.

5) Small Yappy Dogs That Wear Sweaters: I know that these are not particularly controversial. But I just fucking hate those things. Unless they are being used as “feeder dogs” by someone that has a pet Python. That would be awsome. “Yo quiero ser comido por una serpiente!”

Did I forget anything?