This is SGT Brick. Not only is he an soldier currently on deployment, but he is also a stand-up comedian who has a pretty good act that I managed to catch a few years ago.
Of all the dangers that exist for those of us Soldiers who are currently deployed to Iraq, defending your freedoms which you cherish, yet take for granted, there will always be dangers that I could never even fathom to think existed.
I had such an encounter recently.
My unit is stationed in this super-secret ninja location in the outskirts of Baghdad, where we have no running water and what little electricity we have, we get from a generator that we keep out back. In order to take showers we basically just lather up with a bar of soap and then pour bottles of water over our head.
There are these tubes sticking out of the ground, and those are what we pee into. And there are these steel buckets that we shit into, and then we burn all the excrement at night when the sun goes down. So yeah, living conditions would be classified as “sub-par”.
Recently, I was walking over to the pee-tubes because I had to “do my thing”. I step up, whip out my junk, hold it up to the tube, and before I begin urinating, a BEE comes out of the tube and stings me right on the tip of my “man-business”.
As I’m sure you can all imagine, this really freaked me out, but it gets worse, believe me. For some reason, the good Lord in his infinite wisdom decided that this would be the time and place to inform me that I am allergic to bees, because it swells up to over twice it’s normal size, for all the wrong reasons.
So here I am, in agonizing pain, but still wishing that wasn’t in this combat, all-male environment which was preventing me from showing off my new 15-inch penis to any lady that may cross my path. Although, it was pretty cool to be the “big man on campus” as it were, even if it was only for a day. The medics had to give me a shot and some pills, but in spite of the pain and suffering that it caused, I think I’m gonna carry some honey with when ever I go out on dates from here on out.