Just a quick reminder before I commence the list. I am still accepting funny military stories from guest authors. So if you have any humorous stories, impotent anecdotes, anesthetist or confessions, impotent go ahead and send them in. If you request it I can even post them without any identifying information in case you are still serving with people who did not find your story particularly amusing.
(Submitted By Hector Rojasalvarado)
- Not allowed to borrow gear from the army barracks for “White Trash Drinking Day”
- Rojas isn’t allowed to take “1400 Siestas” because he says he’s ‘Latino”
- We aren’t allowed to have “DVDA Auditions” at the barracks anymore.
- Rojas is not allowed to talk about DVDA anymore.
- We aren’t allowed to fortify the barracks for the upcoming “Zombie Invasion”
- Can’t list Chuck Norris facts on the morning briefs.
- Not allowed to take reporters from London to interview hookers on hooker hill.
(Submitted By Garret Harvey)
- Do not put in a special request chit for admiral’s pay and when asked why say it was so you could afford the “good” hookers.
- Do not go to a bar and ask if they take ration cards.
(Submitted By SGT B)
- When having to go through DECON, using a sharpie to draw the “Kilroy was Here” face at my belt line is not the best idea.
- *Nor is “Property of 1SG” with arrows to my nipples.
- Not allowed to urinate messages onto the ground so they may be seen by the pilots above using thermal imaging.
- Must not use the pamphlet printer to make “Wet Burka Night with 1/2 off Chai” posters.
- I will not use the excuse “Dont worry I saw it on The Unit”.
- A little guy plus a KPOT does not constitute a “breaching tool”.
(Submitted By Don Gulas)
- My buddy was spontaneously ordered not to retrieve his scorpion from the fight when it was losing—badly—.
- Shooting the platoon sergeant after being given the order to kill them all is bad (thank the pentagon for MILES gear Mr. Platoon SGT!)
- Asking the Mess Daddy for an MRE (while in the chow line) does not make him smile. It has been know to ruin you first hot meal in 2 weeks.
- Tankers do not drive like Miss Daisey (no matter what you see).
- Inverting a Soldiers name and title just so you can call him “Sweet Seaman” is not an official name change. It MUST be on a DA Form 4187 and approved by the commander first.
- You should not be present when the commander receives said 4187, and do not try to offer any explanation at the time of questioning.