Just a quick reminder before I commence the list. I am still accepting funny military stories from guest authors. So if you have any humorous stories, anecdotes, or confessions, go ahead and send them in. If you request it I can even post them without any identifying information in case you are still serving with people who did not find your story particularly amusing.
(Submitted By Hector Rojasalvarado)
- Not allowed to borrow gear from the army barracks for “White Trash Drinking Day”
- Rojas isn’t allowed to take “1400 Siestas” because he says he’s ‘Latino”
- We aren’t allowed to have “DVDA Auditions” at the barracks anymore.
- Rojas is not allowed to talk about DVDA anymore.
- We aren’t allowed to fortify the barracks for the upcoming “Zombie Invasion”
- Can’t list Chuck Norris facts on the morning briefs.
- Not allowed to take reporters from London to interview hookers on hooker hill.
(Submitted By Garret Harvey)
- Do not put in a special request chit for admiral’s pay and when asked why say it was so you could afford the “good” hookers.
- Do not go to a bar and ask if they take ration cards.
(Submitted By SGT B)
- When having to go through DECON, using a sharpie to draw the “Kilroy was Here” face at my belt line is not the best idea.
- *Nor is “Property of 1SG” with arrows to my nipples.
- Not allowed to urinate messages onto the ground so they may be seen by the pilots above using thermal imaging.
- Must not use the pamphlet printer to make “Wet Burka Night with 1/2 off Chai” posters.
- I will not use the excuse “Dont worry I saw it on The Unit”.
- A little guy plus a KPOT does not constitute a “breaching tool”.
(Submitted By Don Gulas)
- My buddy was spontaneously ordered not to retrieve his scorpion from the fight when it was losing—badly—.
- Shooting the platoon sergeant after being given the order to kill them all is bad (thank the pentagon for MILES gear Mr. Platoon SGT!)
- Asking the Mess Daddy for an MRE (while in the chow line) does not make him smile. It has been know to ruin you first hot meal in 2 weeks.
- Tankers do not drive like Miss Daisey (no matter what you see).
- Inverting a Soldiers name and title just so you can call him “Sweet Seaman” is not an official name change. It MUST be on a DA Form 4187 and approved by the commander first.
- You should not be present when the commander receives said 4187, and do not try to offer any explanation at the time of questioning.