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Archive for May 5th, 2008

More New Friends of Skippy

Monday, May 5th, 2008

For those wondering how this works, every once in a while I go through the emails with new items that have been submitted to me and then add them to the Friends list. So if you have your own items that you would like to see added, email them to me. If you put them in the comments section I probably won’t add them to the next update because 1) I am incredibly lazy, and 2) I’m not going to make a post where I just repeat what was put into my comment section.

So without further ado, here are the new items.

(Submitted By Robert W. Ray)

  • Do not antagonize Airborne troops by having the local radio station dedicate “Raspberry Beret” to them on the Lunch Dedication Show.
  • Do not explain the theft of MREs as trying to improve company morale by removing the bad choices.
  • Do not use Mountain Dew bottles as a piss bottle on an FTX, then put them in the snow as if you were chilling them for drinks later.
  • Do not, under any circumstances, confuse the aforementioned bottles with the ones you were actually chilling.

(Submitted By Ryan Simmons)

  • The American Navy does not make port visits to rape and pillage.
  • Request chits saying, “Respectfully requesting a bullet to the head.” will always be denied.
  • I am not allowed to force any other sailor into a straight jacket.
  • I am not allowed to tempt someone into a straight jacket to see if they can get out while they are logged onto a command pc, and then write love emails on their account to other sailors while they frantically try to turn off the computer by kicking it.
  • I’m not allowed to blurt out “Holy shit!” over the com line while I am working on a multi-million dollar component of mission critical equipment that everyone is hoping I can fix.
  • I am not allowed to ask Canadian sailors if they have aquatic sleds for small boat operations.
  • I am not allowed to tell foreigners, “At least you smell better than the French.” while in uniform.
  • I am not allowed to eat so many carrots that my skin turns orange and then sing the Oompa Loompa song in formation.
  • The sound of the Phalanx anti-missile defense system going off is not just a way to alert the crew that the ship is about to sink.
  • I’m not allowed to take pictures of various crew members vomiting after a night of drinking and then post it on the command website.
  • I’m not allowed to run away from the XO.

(Submitted By Reggie Taylor)

  • Sponge Bob Square Pants is not a proper cadence for marching
  • Especially when a Command Sergeant Major is nearby

(Submitted By Brandon Harmon)

  • Not permitted to release ducks into the barracks.