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Pardon My French

April 22nd, 2008 by LT Ronald

Here is another user submitted story by one of the rarest creatures on the planet. A fun officer.

Here is one of those, “You just can’t make this shit up” stories.

No shit, there I was; Camp Shelby Mississippi, pre-mob training for an OIF
deployment. One of my medics, SPC Nancy, was playing “victim” during a STX
lane, and ended up with her arm caught in the closing ramp of an M113 APC.
Needless to say her arm was black and blue, and up in a sling.

Since this was pre-mob training, our unit was on “lock-down”, meaning no one
went anywhere, but to the gym, PX, or post theater. The night after SPC
Nancy’s accident, was a “Wal-Mart Night”. “Wal-Mart Nights” meant that the guys
could put on their shiny shoes, and the girls would tease their hair, because
“Oh Baby, we’re going to Wal-mart tonight!” It meant that the Joes could wear
civilian clothes, and take a bus ride to the local Wal-mart.

Because of SPC Nancy’s injury, she was just not up to going to Wal-Mart. Being
the kind, caring, and compassionate CO that I am, I took $20 and handed it to
PV2 Powell and told him to get that young lady a hot water bottle to put on
her arm when he went to Wal-Mart. Now PV2 Powell, who, by the way, is not the
smartest of privates, took the $20 and his best buddy PFC Lewis, also, not
the smartest of privates, and went to Wal-mart on a mission.

After searching for a hot water bottle for over 10 minutes to no avail, PV2
Powell went to the cosmetics counter and asked the lady for help finding a
hot water bottle. The lady saw the look of confusion, and purpose on PV2
Powell’s face, and asked him if the product was for a woman.

“Why Yes, Yes it is for a woman!” said PV2 Powell.
“Oh, okay honey, come with me.” Said the woman.

She pointed them down the aisle, and when PV2 Powell read the carton “Hot Water bottle/ D – O – U…. What’s a Douche?” he asked PFC Lewis, to which PFC Lewis replied “I think that’s French for ‘hot water bottle'”. (No Shit! It actually is.) “I’ll take it!” said a very proud PV2 Powell.

Upon return to the company area PV2 Powell presented the gift to SPC Nancy
and told her “Here, the CO thinks that you should use this.”

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12 Responses to “Pardon My French”

  1. Analee Says:


    *bursts into wild and raucous laughter*

    I seriously feel bad for you, but HOLY SHIT! THAT’S HILARIOUS!


  2. Catbunny Says:

    *hurting myself trying not to laugh*



  3. Firefox Says:

    Je mourir de rire!


    Imp reply on June 17th, 2008 9:05 pm:

    That’s not conjugated.


    Imp reply on June 17th, 2008 9:11 pm:

    And the moment I posted that I realized I have been in school too long. My braaaaaiiins are melllting!


  4. Jon Says:

    *Smacking forehead visciously*

    That is friggin great


  5. Mythtery Says:

    Thank you! I can now pass through the day with a ‘wicked smile’


  6. TheShadowCat Says:


    I imagine the next time PVC Nancy saw you, you two must have had a *very* interesting conversation.


  7. DaveRocket Says:

    HAHAHA Oh my she would have had trouble making eyes with you when you next saw her.


  8. M Says:

    Camp Shelby…I went through camp shelby.

    Ug. I hate Camp Shelby.


  9. Andrew Says:

    Holy shit balls of fire, in over a decade of interneting I haven’t laughed at something this hard. Poor Pfc Nancy. For better or worse, your relationship was changed after that.


  10. Snyarhedir Says:

    Lousy customer service.


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