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George Lucas only makes bad movies because I deserve it

December 17th, 2007 by skippy

So a few years ago I saw Terminator 3.  To say that I thought it was a bad movie would be a mild understatement.  It was a train wreck with opening credits and a soundtrack.  It’s so bad that I actually enjoy the other movies less, ambulance knowing that part 3 exists.

But next month there’s going to be a TV show, anesthetist and I’m kind of excited about it.  I mean sure it’s on FOX which means that they’ll kill it at the first sign that it looks decent, but they lined up a good cast and the previews make it seem pretty interesting.

On a similar note, it appears that there will soon be a new Star Wars live action show.  And despite the fact that each of the three last Star Wars movies made T3 look like Shakespeare, I’m still looking forward to that too.

I am positive that I am not alone in this phenomenon.  Nerds have become the equivalent of those housewives you used to see on Jerry Springer.  The ones who, despite years of abuse, keep going back to the same violent men because, “This time he promises he won’t hit me any more.”

Movie Viewer : Oh my god! That movie was terrible! What the hell happened to it George?

Mr. Lucas: (Gives a vicious glare)Yeah.  What happened to it?

Nerd Audience: It fell.  Down the stairs.  Twice.

Mr. Lucas: That’s what I thought….now get back in the kitchen and fry me up a pork chop you geeks!

Now I have a mental picture of a trailer park filled with a collection of white-trash nerds…and which I have now passed on to you.  Your brain probably now feels about as clean as Lindsey Lohan’s bicycle seat.  Pleasant dreams.

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26 Responses to “George Lucas only makes bad movies because I deserve it”

  1. PFC Wilson Says:

    Read the books. Kicks the hell out of the movies.
    They at least had the respect to give Chewie a death worthy of the mighty wookiee when Lucas to them to kill him. Dropped a moon on his head if I remember correctly.


  2. steelcobra Says:

    That, and Republic Commando, along with the books by Karen Traviss, are the best thing to happen to the prequel series.


  3. Ari Krauss Says:

    Not even the 3rd movie? Tough crowd i guess. I def agree that despite the Abuse i will still watch the Live TV show. Why not? We came back twice after the first movie in spite of utter disappointment. If Lucas were smart he would hand off the writing to the people writing the books which to me, 15 years after i saw the first star wars are still addictive in a “i can’t read this in public because im supposed to be an adult” kind of way.


  4. Ari Krauss Says:

    And to Add to my above comment. Only the writes have the balls to kill charecters (Anaking Solo, Mara Skywalker) and turn Leia and Han’s Son into a Sith master. George you have the money, take your royalty check and sit this one out


  5. palad Says:

    OK, I’d better put my flame suit on for this…

    I didn’t hate Episodes 1-3. I actually enjoyed them.

    I grew up on Star Wars. Ep 4 was the first movie I ever saw in a theatre as a child, and I still own quite a few of the toys from those days. In fact, in my home office, about a quarter of the space is dedicated to Star Wars stuff. And I liked Eps 1-3. Of course they weren’t perfect. There was some absolutely painful dialogue, and the whole romance thing felt forced, but c’mon guys — the original movies weren’t exactly Shakespeare. We went to the originals to see spaceships, robots, and heroes all shooting at each other. I think that, over the course of a couple of decades, we built those first movies up into almost mythical proportions. Of COURSE nothing could live up to that. The prequels weren’t competing against the originals — they were competing against the memories of our youth. Guess which side lost out.

    That said, I’m interested to see how this whole television program thing turns out.


    Snyarhedir reply on January 26th, 2011 11:41 pm:

    Amen. I too could appreciate the prequels. (Even Attack Of The Clones, for all its shortcomings, at least had a great ending.) Of course, I am a child of the 90s, but my family still had the video cassettes of the original films, and I remember when the Special Edition came out, and we saw them all in theater. I was excited when I learned that they were making new movies afterwards, and for the most part, The Phantom Menace was as good as I could have hoped.


  6. steelcobra Says:

    I definitely recommend starting with Timothy Zahn’s original trilogy. (Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising, & The Last Command). Outbound Flight is also a pretty good that expands on Thrawn’s character.


  7. SPC Hyle Says:

    Wait–dropping a moon on Chewie’s head was a {i}good{/i} way to kill him?

    Oh dear lord.


  8. Ty Says:

    @ Steelcobra

    Zahn is an amazing author, although I have yet to read any of his Star Wars based work… Meh, I’ll stick to WH40K for the majority of my over the top sci fi.


  9. steelcobra Says:

    Ty: Most of my non-licensed Sci-fi stuff is by Heinlein or Modesitt, with a couple by Greg Bear and Neal Stephenson. But when I feel like going into a well-known universe (something Modesitt has trouble with, as he’s only written one three-part series that is contiguous. [and the Order/Chaos series bounces around to much for that]) Zahn, Karen Traviss, and Eric Nylund (the good Halo books) are definitely my favorites.


  10. Soothsayer Says:

    As someone who has survived watching the Star Wars Holiday Special, I feel perversely grateful to George Lucas. Examples are a lot more conveinent than explanations. Like this conversation I had with a friend, for instance:

    Friend: Do you want to go see Thin Red Line?

    Me: I’ve already seen it.

    Friend: How was it?

    Me: Remember the Star Wars Holiday Special?

    Friend: That bad?

    Me: That bad.

    Friend: Let’s go watch something else.

    I could have spent ten minutes outlining everything that was wrong with that movie (and others), but because of George Lucas, I was able to make my point in six words. Thanks George!


  11. Randall Says:

    SteelCorba I have to agree with you on the RC books. The Null ARC Clones are just frikkin awesome.


  12. Lindsay Says:

    Wait, when the hell did they kill Mara? Man I really need to keep up with these things! And Jacen went Sith? Jesus, Im out of the loop!


  13. Mommawearscombatboots Says:

    I have tried 2 times to watch the 4th Star Wars I feel asleep both times. I am happy to remember the Originals and cover my ears and go LALALALALALAL when ever my 8 year old tries to tell me about the others.


  14. Randall Says:

    Yup Lindsay everything as changed. The Galaxy is all going to hell. And if you didn’t know they killed off Anakin Solo too.


  15. the Jack Says:

    Of the three prequel movies, the book versions were way way way better. In fact, the universe of Star Wars books are better. And don’t take this the wrong way, I’m a huge Star Wars fan. In the beginning of the books with the timelines, I’ve read all but 15ish.


    Suomynona reply on November 30th, 2008 8:40 pm:

    I know you! And by now that 15ish figure is quite a bit less.


  16. PFC Wilson Says:

    Books are almost always better than the movies. Who wants to make bets as to whether or not Jacen Solo dies?


  17. AyumiFallassion Says:

    At least Chewbacca had a death worthy of a Wookie.

    And my bet is that Jacen pulls a Luke and returns to the light at the last possible moment.


  18. Viper767 Says:

    Am I allowed to spoil? Hmm as everybody else seems to be … I’m going to spoil/correct some thing s now, so cover your eyes and ignore it.
    Mara does not die but is healed when she gives birth to Ben, Anakin dies a hero’s death saving all and every Jedi in existence, yes they need a damned moon to kill Chewie, Jaina goes darkside and returns with help of Kyp Durron, Jacen goes darkside and returns with help of Vergere more or less. And that’s not everything but I’m feeling lazy, so grab the books and have a good time.


  19. Blue Says:


    Viper, they’re referring to the Legacy of the Force series which takes place post-Yuuzhan Vong. Mara is killed by Jacen as his sacrifice to become a true Sith Lord: Darth Caedus.


  20. Suomynona Says:

    You don’t like the new star wars? I think of you as less of a man because of it.


  21. Andrew Says:

    anyone know a good site for buying starwars books, ive read the 80 odd i have already :p

    didnt notice this post when reading through previously

    last thing i saw happen was Jaina killed Jacen

    tbh i dont like how luke teaches jaina shatterpoint because jacen can do it and then its irrelevant for the rest of the book

    im still not sure if vergere was sith or not imo she wasnt


  22. Snyarhedir Says:

    Apart from the poor acting in Attack Of The Clones and a few other things, I find that for the most part, the Star Wars prequels went pretty well. If those are bad by most fans’ standards, then I either have to envy them (in which case the worst they have seen does not make my top twenty, or just barely does) or pity/fear them (in which case the worst they have seen they can only describe as blasphemous and/or a crime against all life).


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