Sucker Punched In The Mind
Have you ever had the wind knocked out of your brain? You know probably know the sensation but just didn’t have a name for it. It’s what happens when someone says something so stupid, generic with total deadpan conviction, that your brain just chokes trying to process what they just said. It’s like taking a shot in the solar plexus, except in your head. I’ve always thought that one of the reasons that stupid people think that they are smart is because this phenomenon allows them to think that they have just won a rational debate.
“You can’t say anything because you know I’m right.” Meanwhile your brain is bubbling over like a robot in a 50’s sci-fi program confronted with a logic puzzle.
One day while I was still I the Army, I was sent out on Rigger Detail. Basically my job was to carry stuff for the parachute riggers, and clean up after them. It was standard detail fair; long, boring, and for the most part not particularly noteworthy.
The interesting part was the discussion we had during my first week. Several of the riggers were discussing how America got its name.
“Amerigo Vespucci”, I piped up.
“What are you talking about?”, asked the rigger SGT.
“The continent was named after Amerigo Vespucci, the Italian explorer.”
“Noooooo, the Italian Explorer was Columbus”, in that “I’ll speak slowly because you’re stupid” tone of voice.
“SGT there was more than one Italian Explorer. It was named after Amerigo.”
“You’re just making things up because you don’t know. America got its name from the people that were here before the Europeans.”
At this point I am trying to figure out why he thinks that, and am racking my brain trying to come up with any tribe that sounds even close to the word America.
“What tribe are you talking about Sergeant?”
“I’m talking about the Native Americans.”
Pow! Right in the brainpan.
“You can’t say anything because you know I’m right.”
And of course, the other riggers believed that his version made more sense than mine.
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August 26th, 2007 at 7:52 am
I’ve met people like that. Usually I walk away as soon as possible, to avoid getting the stupid on me…
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August 26th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I read that, and all that I could say is “Ack.” That hurts, and I feel your pain. *hippie snaps*
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August 26th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
As a seventh-grade social studies teacher, I get that feeling…a lot.
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August 27th, 2007 at 3:58 am
Ouch my head, please don’t do that again.
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August 27th, 2007 at 9:59 am
Seeing as how I’m a Rigger, this particular story made my head hurt, that there are riggers out there that are this stupid…
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August 27th, 2007 at 4:37 pm
But did he say anything about “Native Americans don’t have tentacles!”?
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August 28th, 2007 at 1:05 am
Good grief, how did those dummies get out of grade school? It must have been around third grade when they taught us about Amerigo Vespucci!
Doesn’t make me have any faith in their learning skills, which means I’m REALLY glad that bunch never packed a parachute for me!
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August 28th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
Dear God that man had rank. WOW. Yet another reason for US History to be a requirement to get rank. Not just go to the board and kiss ass.
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August 29th, 2007 at 12:32 am
if that is what his opinion was on the discoverer of America, I would love to hear what he had to say about Lincoln and the Emancipation Proclamation being the sole reason for freeing the slaves in only the border states and those occupied by Federal forces. ‘Nooooo, it wasn’t a poitical decision, it was entirely because slavery was wrong!’
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August 29th, 2007 at 4:30 pm
People like that are scary. I’m just VERY glad not to be married to one !
Hope that you have a good Wednesday, Skippy !
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August 30th, 2007 at 2:03 am
If you want to learn more about former NCOs with learning deficiencies, look in William Manchester’s “Goodbye Darkness” about the DI who insisted that the American Revolution occurred in 1910, WW I in 1934.
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August 30th, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Good God, my head is still hurting after reading that.
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August 30th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
After reading this, someone pointed me to The Miss South Carolina interview. In case you haven’t seen it – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww
While this gal is no rocket scientist (you can see her ‘explaination’ at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YR8F0hkqokg ) that’s what you look like when you get mind-punched. And it’s no wonder that everyone thinks you’re an idiot afterwards…
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August 31st, 2007 at 2:56 am
Wow. Kind of like the person who asked me, “What language do Italian people speak?” or “Is Korea part of Japan or China?”
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August 31st, 2007 at 9:15 am
I’ve had more than one case like this in my service time in the army. I’ve won more than a few bets, that other soldiers or sgts were certain they would win, by looking up the information and proving them wrong with an academically acceptable source. I know… that makes me a nerd and a stubborn one at that … but that’s one of the reasons why I didn’t re-enlist.
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September 5th, 2007 at 1:51 am
Did you hear about the French version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”
http://youtube.com/watch?v=KxmHEGy7JUU
I was too stunned to laugh at first, but by the time it was over, I nearly collapsed a lung.
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September 10th, 2007 at 12:16 am
I thought Amerigo was the map maker, naming it after himself.
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 4:33 pm:
I thought the same thing, so I checked it out online at 2 websites, including content from the Encyclopedia Brittanica. My summary:
Amerigo Vespucci was indeed an explorer who made voyages across the Atlantic between 1497 and 1504, including leading what may have been the first European expedition to find the Río de la Plata.
In 1507 cartographer Martin Waldseemüller suggested that the name America be applied to the southern landmass. It was later applied to both continents.
http://www.history.com/topics/exploration/amerigo-vespucci
http://www.biography.com/people/amerigo-vespucci-9517978
(I am guessing that some grade school instructional materials to which we were both exposed managed to confuse things.)
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September 10th, 2007 at 9:58 pm
The reason guys like this win the support of their peers (fellow riggers in this case) is because of the Dopeler Effect – defined as the tendency for stupid comments to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
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September 11th, 2007 at 2:55 pm
The guy in the cubicle across from me is like that. Every day he has another little gem that pops out of his brain. His current level is “aliens made the pyramids”
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September 13th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
No sympathy here, Skippy. I work with car dealers and insurance agents. You know, people who can’t understand why the cars they sell have to be titled, and who think that a 36 month lease term is 5 years.
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September 18th, 2007 at 9:56 pm
I have a very dear friend who insisted that he was suffering heart pains because of the plaque in his blood vessels, which was getting there because he didn’t brush his teeth often enough. When we tried to explain what chloresterol was his retort was “whatever, I didn’t go to college like you guys” . . . to a guy who never went and from a guy who was about to graduate college. I informed him I learned it from a TV commercial, so he told me I didn’t know what the hell I was talking about.
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Andrew reply on March 23rd, 2009 10:17 am:
well one cause of heart disease is actually gum disease
so not brushing your teeth enough cud indeed cause problems
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September 21st, 2007 at 2:01 am
I feel your pain man. And I definitely know the feeling that you’re talking about, though I’m more mechanically inclined than combat inclined, so I’ve always referred to it as a mind shifting without a clutch.
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September 21st, 2007 at 5:32 pm
You’re right about the name and he was a mapmaker and was one of the first ones to map the coast of America, and of course he put his name on the maps, so of course people started calling it “Amerigo” or America… I can’t believe I can remember something from grade school…lol
Airborne leads the way…
SGT T
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 4:38 pm:
I also thought Vespucci was the one to coin “America”, but according to the Encyclopedia Britannica that is incorrect:
while Vespucci prepared maps of the area he explored, it was cartographer Martin Waldseemüller in 1507 who suggested that the name America be used (applied to the southern landmass. It was later applied to both continents.)
http://www.history.com/topics/exploration/amerigo-vespucci
http://www.biography.com/people/amerigo-vespucci-9517978
(I am guessing that some grade school instructional materials to which we were both exposed managed to confuse things.)
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September 27th, 2007 at 8:36 pm
My aunt is English. One time she was visiting the U.S. (I think it was Virginia, but I’m not certain of that.) Someone asked her where she was from. She said England. The American replied, “Wow, you speak English really well!” My aunt just stared at her, gobsmacked.
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Lifat reply on October 3rd, 2008 9:01 pm:
LOL!
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October 5th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I used to have the joy of working with a woman who seriously believed NASA caused all hurricanes by “punching holes in the air” with their rockets. And, of course, she also was convinced the moon landings were faked…… “the moon is just too far away”!
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October 6th, 2007 at 3:17 am
Actually, while the person you were talking to was certainly a moron, it is actually very unlikely that the Americas were named for Vespucci. For one, explorers never gave their first names to discovered places; if the Americas were named for Amerigo Vespucci, we’d probably be living in the United States of Vespucci. Secondly, Vespucci only explored South America. He never ventured near North America, so there would be no reason to name it for him. Thirdly, the first appearances of the name America for the New World appeared on British maps, not Italian.
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 4:44 pm:
According to the Encyclopedia Britannica, the Americas were indeed named for Vespucci:
In 1507, cartographer Martin Waldseemüller proposed naming the Brazilian portion America, “the feminine version of the name Amerigo, after Amerigo Vespucci.” In 1538 Mercator used the name on both the northern and southern parts.
see my sources and other comments on #17 & #23
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October 6th, 2007 at 3:24 am
Okay, I can’t find the stupid article, and my last point at least is wrong. My apologies.
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 4:45 pm:
Oops – maybe that will teach me to post before reading the next few comments!
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October 30th, 2007 at 9:35 pm
actually, Vespucci was more of a map-maker then an explorer, and he always had a unique way of signing his maps of the American coast, generally with his first name written on where continent itself would be. So when the British used Amerigo’s maps, they started calling it Amerigo, which eventually became America.
It doesn’t surprise me that people don’t know the whole story, but to be adamant about something so stupid… That’s just sad.
Keep the stories coming though.
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 5:15 pm:
Rolland,
After looking through dozens of websites, I cannot find anything online about Vespucci putting his name on the landmass on his maps (other than a couple websites that look like they were written by 6th graders). I have looked for any online copy of Vespucci’s maps and been unable to find them.
According to every authoritative website I could find (including the Encyclopedia Britannica), the first time the name America was applied to a landmass was when Martin Waldseemüller did it on a 1507 map. It seems likely that Waldseemüller gave the honor to Vespucci since the explorer became convinced on the 1501 voyage that he led that these were new lands, not part of Asia. (Columbus maintained he had reached Asia.)
http://www.history.com/topics/exploration/amerigo-vespucci
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November 2nd, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I work with a person who seriously asked us all a question about what an IED was. We work in Iraq, at a FOB and all of us, ALL of us has under gone some sort of training prior to deployment on the subject of IEDs. Shit, they even blew some stuff up to give us an idea of how it reacts and so on. She stopped the 10 minute conversation right in its tracks.
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November 3rd, 2007 at 6:32 am
IED, GOP, MORON (sung to the tune of the Mickey Mouse song).
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November 11th, 2007 at 8:36 am
Thank what powers that may be, that those people are not contagious.
I hope….
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Lifat reply on October 3rd, 2008 9:05 pm:
technically it hasn’t been proven that low IQ runs in the families but there are quite a lot of speculations about it. And IQ has been proven to have something to do with upbringing. (ie maybe not genetically set but at least environmentally influenced)
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November 26th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
I worked with a girl that dumb. “You should never drink juice, it’s bad for your teeth. When you drin kit it touches your teeth and makes them rot. That’s why you should always drink soda pop. Unlike juice, soda pop will go straight down your throat without ever touching your teeth, so they won’t rot.”
Unfortunately, I fear she may be contagious, as when I worked with this girl, we were employed at a child care facility. She had influence over many young, impressionable minds.
On the other hand, I also had a lot of fun with her. She now believes that the sky is actually pink, it just LOOKS blue because of the way your eyes percieve the color when viewed through the atmosphere. And that’s why the sky is pink at dawn, thats when the atmosphere goes away and you can see the true color.
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December 3rd, 2007 at 6:43 am
The sad part is I joined the army hoping to get away from people like that… I wound up finding out that there are a higher percentage of stupid people like that in the army then normal every day life.
I trained with one Sargent who asked a question so dumb during a Battalion briefing that it actually ended the brief. That poor CW3 giving the briefing. I can remember the look on his face to this day. That look of horror and astonishment (among other things, none of them good) was priceless.
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December 7th, 2007 at 4:31 pm
The worst part about those kind of people is that there’s no way to make them understand why they’re wrong. You kinda just gotta walk away.
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December 26th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Reminds me of basic, we had an O-7 try to tell us in our land nav class that a compass worked because of large iron deposits in the great lakes…and the earths magnetic feild had nothing to do with it….
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January 12th, 2008 at 11:19 pm
Okay. I am a high school senior. I struggle finding motivation to go to school. I am fifth in my class, a class noted for being one of the brightest classes in the area. The Dansville Class of ’08 is not only brighter than the other ’08 seniors in the Finger Lakes reason, our Valedictorian is a sixteen year old Muslim girl with an overall weighted GPA of 98.something absurd.
Sounds like a great school and a great district, no?
NO.
I finally, in my senior year, have time to take an art class. Drawing and Painting, first period. You can’t imagine my excitement. Until I walked into the classroom.
As it turns out, this is largely a class for the students too lazy, high, or stupid to take anything else. And most of them are clique-y underclassmen.
Now, when I started high school, I vowed never to be THAT SENIOR.
I didn’t account for the phenomenon of this sucker punch to the brain effect.
See, these people are stupid. I don’t know why they are so stupid–it’s a small district and I had all the same teachers they did, teachers I know to be competent and intelligent human beings whom I respect and admire.
But you honestly need to seriously abuse drugs to deal with these people.
One day, several of my deadbeat classmates were discussing nuclear warfare. An admirable and intelligent subject for debate, one would think.
For individuals of average intelligence, yes.
We are not talking about that sort of person though.
The conversation went something like this:
Stoner Kid: Dude, but what if there was like…world peace? What would they do with all the nukes?
Anime Nerd: Yeah man, that’s like weird, do they like recycle stuff?
Well, my father disabled Titan II missiles for the US Air Force in the 1980s. I can’t resist answering their question with my insight about deactivating missiles and warheads so they simply can’t be used. Which they’d know if they read or watched anything but FOX News–but I won’t criticize that. Not everyone is literate.
Sadly, my explanation didn’t answer what they were really asking.
Stoner Kid: But do they like throw it in the ocean, or what?
They deactivate. You can’t just throw nuclear waste in the oceans, it’s toxic.
Stoner Kid: But what DO they do with it?
Sucker punched.
On a second occasion, the same pair of individuals were discussing Veteran’s Day.
Stoner: Why don’t we have school Monday, man?
Anime Kid: Dude, it’s Veteran’s Day.
Stoner: Really? I didn’t know that. What is it?
Sucker Punch number one. But there’s more.
Rumored to be Skanky Girl: You don’t know what VETERINARIAN’S Day is?!
And TWO within ten seconds.
I wanted to say something. I wanted to cry. I raised my hand and demanded to be allowed to use my iPod for all future classes (technically the School Board banned them, but in the interest of keeping all students alive and well the teacher turns a blind eye).
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January 31st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
damn… i think that guy was my sgt for two years…
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February 4th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
after 4 years of bosses like that i, smart e-4 that i was, was reading “the list” to a couple of our E-3’s to help us laugh while we set up our equipment for the fifth time that week and our new col. walked in… with our entire chain of command… he went down the line talking to each of us and asking questions. when he got to me he asked ” SrA is there anything at all you would like so say to me?” the heavens opened, angels sang, and my capitan literally almost pissed himself!!! i started grinning and i met each person’s eyes before casualy telling him “nope not really”… then i proceeded to get lectured by my dumbass ssgt about how i could have expressed myself more refined… for a week i only answered him with things from the list till he appoligised.
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February 12th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
…Wow….
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February 14th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
We had one of those in college. We called him blue because he dyed his hair that way. Never learned his real name. So one day at lunch my buddies and I are have a conversation about the theoretical implications of traveling close to a Black Hole. You know, that giant cosmic vacume cleaner formed by a collasping star. So Blue and I got into an argument about something relating to that. Don’t really remember what. But I do remember his final argument. “But black holes have nothing to do with gravity!” BAM! My brain just shut down for about ten seconds and had to reboot.
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February 16th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
say what you want about those people, but you should really be thanking them for being the cannon fodder and attendents of parking lots so you all can go about your quasi-normal lives i.e. my “co-worker” in Iraq who will almost certainly be the one who saves my life because she walked out into the daisy-chained highway of ieds! Hasn’t happened yet, but I’m counting on her.
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February 17th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
I get that feeling alot. I call it my english class feeling. The teacher says something simple, like, “turn to page 33”. Stupid kid one “What?” teacher: “turn to page 33”. Stupid kid two “Huh?”, so on and so forth. Though sometimes I do say the brain-suckerpunch thing just to see people’s reactions, it is quite funny.
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February 26th, 2008 at 4:16 am
“diggin deep” set me off by mentioning parking lot attendants. There once was a car called the BorgWard Isetta which had only ONE door, squarely in its front. I kid you not. The steering column had two universal joints so it could fold out of the driver’s way when the door opened. An owner drove such a car into a NYC parking lot and left it with the attendant, who swore that he could park it. Ten hours later (after a leisurely lunch, not a long one) the owner returned and tried to recover his car. No attendant could be found. Eventually the owner found the car driven up within four inches of the brick wall of the adjacent building. Inside the car was the attendant. He was so close to the wall that he couldn’t open the door far enough to get out, and in 10 hours of trying he had not found reverse gear. Courtesy prohibits my describing the sanitary state of his pants after 10 hours of captivity.
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March 10th, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I’ve got one for you. A number of years ago, my husband and I visited my aunt and uncle with our two small boys. Now as a firm advocate of breast feeding, I feel that a child should be allowed to wean naturally and should never be forced to give up nursing before s/he is ready. That being the case, I ended up tandem nursing for nine months and it was during this time that the visit took place. While visiting, my older son ended up falling asleep in the middle of the afternoon, but when he woke around dinner time he was very cranky. I knew if he just ate, he’d be fine, but he refused so my choices were, let him have a screaming fit and chance waking up the baby or let him nurse to calm him down. Since it had already been a long day, I went with option #1, latched him on and went back to eating my dinner (with 2 1/2 years of nursing under my belt, I was a pro at eating one handed). Now keeping in mind that my aunt is a substitute teacher, this is the conversation, pretty much verbatim, that I had with her.
“You should have weaned him no later than 18 months. You’re making him too dependent on you.”
Ok, fair enough argument from a woman of my mother’s generation who mostly bottle fed their kids. However, I have read the studies done on breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, so I had my answer ready.
“Studies show that children who are allowed to wean naturally tend to be more independent.”
“Well, he’s independent enough.”
The only thing left to do at that point was change the subject, because there was no way to answer that and remain on speaking terms with my aunt.
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March 15th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
There was a girl like that in my 10th grade history class. She always thought she was right and i knew she was wrong we would have class stopping arguments practicly every other day it got to the point where our other class mates looked forward to them as entertainment. i didn’t learn this until i got put in another class and my friends told me.
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March 22nd, 2008 at 6:12 pm
Has anyone heard the theory that the Americas were named after a Welshman known as Richard Amerike? Look it up on wiki. Im not sure which is true although this one sounds more likely to me as territories tended to be named after surnames rather than first names. Just throwing it out there :)
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Janice reply on November 3rd, 2014 5:53 pm:
The wiki links to an article about Amerike on the BBC website by Peter MacDonald. I read the article, and went searching the internet for more information.
The best article I found about the etymology of “America” was http://www.uhmc.sunysb.edu/surgery/america.html This article cites sources (such as Vespucci’s baptism record to prove his first name) and uses good reasoning.
In 1507 Martin Waldseemüller published the first known map with a landmass labeled America. In the accompanying text, he describes “Americus Vespuccius” as the discoverer of the new landmass and suggests that it therefore be named America. I don’t know why he used the first name, but it seems clear that existing evidence points overwhelmingly to Vespucci being the origin of the continents’ name.
see also my comments & sources on #17, 23, 26, 28
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April 26th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
Only five times has that happened to me, and four of them are wholly thanks to my dear (but remarkably dim sometimes) big sister.
It’s like an ice cream headache without the cold.
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April 4th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
I believe that blonde is a state of mind not just a hair color…and just so no one can get mad at me my hair is blonde.
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January 24th, 2011 at 5:12 pm
How can the sergeant sincerely say that you made it up when he clearly never heard of that explorer? The word “America” and its various derivitives (spelling?) come from the Latin-based language world, and it would make sense that the continents would be named after someone whose name has at least some syllables in common.
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Snyarhedir reply on January 24th, 2011 5:14 pm:
Oh, and just for the record, I never heard of that explorer either until I read this. Apparently, he was just lost to history, much like Leif Ericson (spelling?), who for some reason I have known of (but not directly from a teacher).
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